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Kelli & Brad with their Grandpa Kelly two months after Brad
returned from his LDS mission in the Philippines |
by Michael A. Royal
November 4, 2012
Below are some thoughts I put together related to the funeral of my father-in-law, Howard Ray Kelly. I first met Ray over Christmas break when I took Maralea home from school at BYU, visited for a couple days, then left for Las Vegas on the morning of December 24, 1982. After meeting Maralea's family, I decided that she was the one and only for me, and that I wanted to become part of the Kelly family. For the next 30 years, we and our children were blessed with great parents and grandparents. Ray's departure on October 29, 2012 came peacefully, surrounded by his family in the home he and Leona purchased some 54 years ago. I prepared a few personal thoughts about my experience with my Kelly family the following weekend.
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| This was taken in about 1984, Ray and Colin Kelly . . . standing in front of my JHS, Colin Kelly. (Coincidence? Nah) |
Friday was a day of gathering at the Kelly home as family
members were arriving throughout the day.
It was fun seeing the little cousins so excited to be together, to play
and run around the house making lots of noise, creating all kinds of havoc that
felt like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.
Brad and Whitney arrived with Beckham and my niece, Camilla Stark. David and Kambria arrived much later in the
evening with Cody, Nicky, and Ally. I
enjoyed visiting with Rich and Dan in the family room at the Kelly home and
catching up with everyone else. I looked
at all those pictures of the Kelly children taken at age eight, lined up
against the wall as they have for decades, and thought about what a wonderful
memorial that is for Ray - every child being properly taught, nurtured and
loved into the waters of baptism at the given age of accountability. I sat there in Ray’s favorite chair admiring
those pictures and wondered why we do not have a similar row of four in our
home. (We do have big pictures of all
the children at mission age, so I guess we should pat ourselves on the back for
that.) It was a strangely happy
time.
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| This is only part of the Ray Kelly legacy! Isn't it amazing??? All because two people fell in love and married in 1956. |
I suppose that is because we are
all so well aware of the Lord’s Great Plan of Salvation and Happiness. We know that Ray is where he is supposed to
be, and that he lived life the way Heavenly Father intended. But, death is not unlike a parent sending off
a missionary for two years. It is
something long anticipated, prepared for, and celebrated (or at least it should
be, since it is a critical part of the Lord’s plan). Yet, there is still a sting associated with
the separation. That is something
designed as part of the human experience.
Heavenly Father felt that same pain of separation when He sent us all to
earth, longing for our triumphant return to His home. For far too many, their sojourn on earth is
less than successful, which exacerbates the Father’s pain. Conversely, His joy and glory is magnified
when one soul returns to Him. He was,
therefore, greatly magnified on October 29, 2012, when Heavenly Father welcomed
Ray home, joining him with his parents.
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| A tender moment as Leona and her eight children gather around the casket at the viewing |
I joined the siblings and their spouses with Leona at the
funeral home Friday evening to dress Ray and prepare him for his final resting
place. That was a very sacred
experience. I felt that Ray was present
observing us. I really only helped with
the big things, and watched as Dale and Colin did the important things, like buttoning Ray's white shirt, putting on his socks, shoes, handling the details, like making sure his handkerchief was neatly tucked into his left pocket. It was a special father/son moment. We handled Ray with great care and
respect. The tears flowed so freely
Friday evening as the women gathered with us around Ray’s peaceful body
thereafter. Ray and Leona are so deserving
of love and respect from their children and posterity. Ray lived a long life. He is the first member of the Ray and Leona
Kelly family to pass to the other side of the veil. Everything happened in its proper order. That is a wonderful blessing. We all recognize that. Still, our hearts are pierced with pain. He was an exceptionally great man, who I love
very much.
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| Royal carefully fixes Becca's nose |
As we gathered for the viewing on Saturday at 9:30 am,
family members appeared with grandchildren in tow and there were many hugs. It was a wonderful reunion. Ray’s body peacefully laid in the silver
casket, exposed from the waist up, with a large American Flag draped over
it. Family members gathered around the
casket at spontaneous intervals, with hugs, tears, and smiles. The great grandchildren, like Royal and
Beckham, were creating a joyous noise of commotion that is so welcomed and
sweet. They had no idea what was going
on, but just carried on their business as usual. It truly was a day of both mourning and
celebration. David, Cody and Jason were
sequestered in a room working on their special song dedicated to Ray’s great
life, while Kelli was in another room practicing her song: “Consider the
Lilies.” Her Grandpa Kelly told her
on several occasions that he wanted her to sing that song at his funeral, and
Kelli wanted to do it right, without breaking down. At her request, I gave Kelli a blessing
moments before the funeral service, that she would be able to sing from her
heart, to get through the song, without crying.
She so wanted to give Grandpa Kelly her very best effort. I took Royal from Kelli as the funeral
service began. He was being really fussy
because he was ready for a nap. So, I
just walked around with him in the foyer, trying to help him fall asleep. He did (another successful Grandpa Royal
moment recorded in time).
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| Kelli with Royal Ray, named after both his great grandpas |
I entered the chapel after the opening hymn, “How
Firm A Foundation.” Rich Payton was
the chorister. Dan Bringham gave the
opening prayer. Then, Kelli sang her
song, standing at the pulpit, right above her grandfather’s casket. Kelli sang like a bird. She got through some tough verses, tearing up
a little, but she made it. Kelli, in
fact, did a remarkable job. I did my
best not to make eye contact with her, as I was sitting front and center, about
three rows away, and was crying myself.
At the end of the song, Kelli then teared up and said: “I love you,
Grandpa.” Then, she cried. We all did.
It was so touching. Kelli sang
that song with great love. She gave it
everything she had, and I know that her Grandpa Kelly was very, very
pleased. (Kelli sent her grandfather a video of her singing this song a couple weeks before he passed. Click here: Kelli: "Consider the Lilies") After Kelli’s wonderful musical
number, each of the eight Kelly children got up to speak. Their talks were supposed to be limited to
two and a half minutes (ha). However,
that was just not going to happen, and rightly so. There was too much that needed to be
said. Ray lived that kind of life. It simply required more time, because it was
a rich life filled with so many fond memories. (Colin put together a slide show also. Click here: Slideshow to "Consider the Lilies")
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| Beckham is one of Ray's 16 great grandchildren |
Valerie spoke on Ray’s life milestones. She related that Ray’s family moved a lot
when he was young, finally settling down in the area of Rockland, ID, where he
and his siblings worked on a dairy farm.
Ray learned to love work. His
parents were not active in the Church, so he was not that involved in Church
activities as a youth. He had many LDS
friends, however, who were a very positive influence on him. After graduating from high school, Ray
enlisted in the Navy in 1948. He was
stationed in San Diego, CA, for his first two years, and spend the next two
years largely at sea working on a fuel tanker in the Pacific Ocean during the
Korean War. He was discharged in 1952,
then served as a missionary in the Texas-Louisiana Mission in 1952-54, and then
married Leona Dial upon his return home (having been first introduced to her by
his parents) in 1956. (Something I later
learned from Leona is that Ray’s parents became active in the Church while he
was away on his mission.
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| Photos displayed of Ray while serving in the Navy, 1948-52 |
They moved to
Pocatello began attending church there, and met Leona. On the date of Ray and Leona’s wedding in the
Idaho Falls Temple, Ray’s parents were sealed, Ray was then sealed to his
parents, and then Ray and Leona were married.
What a wonderful blessing to come together as a direct result of Ray’s
service to the Lord!) They moved to Reno,
NV in 1958 after Ray received his Bachelor of Arts from Idaho State
University. He received his Masters in
Education from the University of Nevada-Reno in 1964. The family has resided in the present Kelly
home for 54 years. During that time,
they added onto the home, transforming the garage to a bedroom, adding on the
family room, kitchen, a new bathroom and bedroom, and a basement. Ray and Leona had eight children, 38
grandchildren, and 16 great grandchildren with four more on the way at the time
of Ray’s departure. He served in the
Church in various capacities throughout his life and exemplified good, faithful
living. Ray exemplified what it truly
means to endure to the end.
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Grandpa Kelly with Brad at the Oakland Temple
for Dan & Kathy's wedding |
Colin spoke on lessons Ray taught the family
through his example of service. Ray
seems to have chosen his friends by those he met at service projects. He loved blessing the lives of others through
service. Ray was fanatical about
gathering firewood for the winter. Colin
remembers occasions when they would gather and stack wood in remote areas,
bring it home to unload, with extra wood in the truck that remained. Ray would then have Colin join him as he
would deliver the firewood to another family.
On one occasion, Colin recalled that he and Ray were loading firewood at
a lake. It was very hot. When they were done loading the wood, Ray
suggested they go swimming. Colin said
that they could not swim, because they did not have any swimsuits. Ray then said: “We don’t need swimsuits”
and proceeded to strip down to his birthday suit and jumped into the water from
the deserted dock. Colin then
followed. That was a special memory for
Colin. His father always had a warm, fun
loving heart.
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| Kelli, with her Grandpa Kelly, December 1987 |
Margo talked about Ray’s life as a school teacher. After his passing, she was contacted on Facebook by people who said that Ray had been their favorite teacher. Margo recalls how much she loved being her father’s teaching assistant. She would go with him to school early to help set up his class, and he would even allow her to grade sixth grade papers when she was only in the third grade. Ray would give her a Key that she would use to grade the papers. (Margo thought it was pretty cool that she, as a third grader, could have so much responsibility.) When she was going to school, other kids would tell her that her father was mean, some suggesting that they felt sorry for her. (School District rules did not allow for any of the Kelly children to be in their father’s class, so none of them got to actually experience him as a school teacher.) Margo said these kind of comments always puzzled her because that is not the man she knew at all, stating: “He was such a pushover.” Ray would bring home school supplies for Margo and her siblings to play school. They had a blackboard that the family apparently used to come up with names for Margo before she was born. Apparently, none of the names suggested were accepted. (Ray always wanted to name one of his children Kelly O. Kelly, but that was never allowed, vetoed every time by Leona.) Margo also spoke about Ray’s military service and the great pride he took as a Navy veteran. He loved the American flag, and did all he could to instill that love in the hearts of his children. Ray, having come from a small town with very conservative values, had his eyes opened quickly as a member of the military, being the only LDS person on his ship. While he did not have a firm gospel foundation, Ray had a moral compass that helped guide him as a member of the military. He began attending church regularly while stationed in San Diego, CA, but could not attend for the two years he was at sea. Ray was sustained by many letters from his LDS friends and leaders. After his four years, in 1952, Ray departed his ship for the last time, saying goodbye to some of the best friends he had, those fellow sailors who he knew he would never see again. Upon his arrival home, Ray was contacted by a very wise bishop, who told him that he needed to serve a mission. Despite the fact that Ray had not been active in the Church for most of his life, Ray accepted the call and served in the Texas-Louisiana Mission from 1952-54. While he was away, Ray’s family had moved to Pocatello, ID. Leona Dial was a young woman in his family ward and (per Leona) Ray’s mother had already been laying some groundwork for a romantic introduction. Ray and Leona began dating, and were married.
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Ray Kelly never considered himself released
as a missionary for Jesus Christ |
Kathy spoke about Ray’s love of music. She described him as a “good listener,”
recalling many occasions when he would sit in a chair in the living room
listening to family members play the piano or sing (often falling asleep in the
process). He and Leona loved listening
to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Ray took
great pleasure in watching his children and grandchildren excel in music. He is now, without question, singing in
heaven with a most beautiful voice.
Kathy also talked about Ray’s love for fishing. He loved to fish . . . but just wasn’t really
that good at it. Ray would sometimes,
out of desperation, dig deep into his tackle box and weigh his line down with
every possible lure, perhaps with the plan of just hitting a fish in the head
(and stunning it into submission). But,
it was not necessarily catching the fish that Ray enjoyed, it was just being
out doing something he loved, spending time with people he so loved.
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| Ray & Leona serving as Elder & Sister Kelly in 2004 |
Donna spoke about her father’s influence on her
children in Scouting. She related an
experience when her family visited Reno.
At that time, Jeffrey was 13 and struggling with his interest in
Scouting. He simply did not like it and
was having trouble seeing the point of getting involved. Ray walked Jeffrey over to a display in the
Kelly family room that has a picture of all the grandchildren who have reached
the rank of Eagle Scout. He told
Jeffrey, pointing to the display: “I want to put your picture there.” Jeffrey’s interest in Scouting changed almost
immediately. He now had a tangible goal,
inspired by his grandfather. He had a
reason to become an Eagle Scout - to please his Grandpa Kelly. Jeffrey met his objective, became an Eagle
Scout, and now has his picture with many of his cousins on Ray’s Eagle Scout
display of honor. Jeffrey is now serving
a mission in Philadelphia, another more important achievement in his life that
likewise pleased his Grandpa Kelly.
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Ray and Leona welcome home Grandson Elder Cody Bringham
at the SLC Airport in March 2011 |
Chris focused on Ray’s role as a disciple of
Christ. She related an account of
scripture reading with her father about a week before his passing. Chris asked Ray and Leona if they wanted to
read scriptures. Ray said he would, and
Chris asked where they were in their scripture reading. Ray told Chris to read from where her family
is reading, which happened to be Alma 40.
Chris read Alma 40:11-12, which relates directly to the Plan of
Salvation and the blessings associated with those who live a righteous life (“.
. . the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of
happiness . . .”). These verses were
very comforting, a tender mercy for the family. Chris related how much Ray reached out for the
one throughout his life, as the Savior would have us all do. She received a note from one of Ray’s former
students, who wrote the following: “I was not a cute, adorable sixth grader,
but your dad always treated like I was one.
I will never forget that.”
Ray had a way of seeing people as God sees them, looking at the
heart. He was also a great home teacher
and quorum/group leader. Chris recalled
occasions when Ray would go in search of persons on the Church roles but not
attending. He was not satisfied with
just knocking on the door of a home where no answer was provided. Ray would start knocking on the doors of
neighbors to see if he could gather any helpful information to locate the
person or family over which he was given divine stewardship. In the last couple years, Ray became involved
in painting wood toy cars for delivery to needy children. He painted hundreds of them, and loved it. Ray wanted to be a useful tool in the Lord’s
hands as long as his body and mind would allow a wonderful example to us all.
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| Maralea with Ray and Leona at the LV Bowl to cheer on the Cougars |
Maralea briefly referenced Ray’s love for BYU
sports, something we share with him as a family. She spoke of Ray’s love for missionary
work. The Kelly children were often
asked by Ray to write their testimonies in a Book of Mormon he desired to
deliver to someone. He would borrow
LDS fictional books, like Charly, from Maralea and deliver them to
others. The books usually were never
returned. The kids rarely knew what
happened through such efforts; however, they made an impression on the
family. Ray taught by quiet example that
great joy comes from sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. Ray served four full-time missions. The first as a young man in 1952-54 in the
Texas Louisiana Mission. Then he and
Leona served two Family History Missions in Salt Lake City, 1991-92, and
2004-05. In between these they served
together to open the dry pack cannery in Reno in 1996-97. He loved being actively engaged in Christian
service. Maralea likened Ray’s love of
warmth from a wooden stove to his love for the gospel. Just as he would gather up and store fuel for
fires during the cold winter months, Ray taught the family to gather up
spiritual firewood to stoke and sustain the flames of testimony in the hearts
of the entire family. “Thank you,
Dad, for teaching us of the joy related to gospel fires through missionary
work,” she said. Maralea wore her
missionary name tag, Sister Royal, in her father’s honor. Ray always loved being known as Elder
Kelly, and likewise loved seeing his children and grandchildren likewise
share their names with Jesus Christ on a black and white name tag. His flame of gospel love and testimony burns
ever brighter today. Ray lived to see
his posterity serve valiantly for Christ, as he so served, and continued his
missionary work until the end. Even as
he faced his last surgery two months ago, Ray would ask attending medical
personnel: “Are you a member of the LDS Church? You should be.” He gave them all Pass Along Cards, with an
invitation to come to church. Maralea
said: “Thank you, Dad, for enduring to the end.” She closed with: “Somewhere on the other
side of the veil, Dad is singing ‘The Spirit of God like a fire is
burning. . . .’”
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| We love this picture of Ray and Leona - Happy Fourth of July |
Dale focused his remarks on Ray’s love for hard
work. Dale and Chris had to leave Reno
to go to Rexburg, ID, to participate in the blessing of Matthew and Erika’s
baby, Madie, which took him away from Reno while Ray was so close to
death. As Ray was hardly responding to
anyone, Dale told him that he would be leaving.
Dale told Ray that he would make a visit to Rockland, ID, on the way
back. At that announcement, Ray opened
his eyes, looked at Dale and said: “That’s where I grew up, you know.” Those were the last words Ray would ever
speak to Dale in this life. Dale and
Chris then stopped by the Rockland, ID dairy farm on Sunday and Dale filled up
a jar with dirt, the very soil on which Ray so loved to work. Dale and Chris drove through the night, and
were present with other family members when Ray passed on Monday. He reflected upon the great basement project,
when the family spent a year digging away earth from beneath the house, using
only a pick. Ray had a requirement for
the family to do a certain amount of dirt removal per day. On Christmas Day, Ray announced: “Today,
we will only do one load.” Ray was a
relentless, tireless worker. Dale closed
with: “Thank you, Dad, for teaching us how to work.”
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Jordan's last picture with his Grandpa Kelly,
this taken in September 2011, before Jordan left on his
LDS mission to the Philippines |
A family friend, Oris Corbridge, spoke after the
children. He described Ray as “a work
horse.” He said: “Ray was not a
stallion or a high priced race horse of a person. He was just happy to be a steady, reliable
worker to pull the load.” Those kind
of souls, per Bro. Corbridge, “are worth their weight in gold.” He talked about Ray’s kind heart, relating a
deer hunting experience where Bro. Corbridge and Ray had tracked a group of
three deers. They quietly prepared to
shoot. Ray had them in his sights. He then backed off and refused to shoot. Ray told his friends: “I can’t kill any of
them. That’s a family there. I just can’t do it.” That was the last time Ray ever went deer
hunting. He had a soft, kind, gentle,
loving heart. Ray exemplified what it
means to have a soft heart, and to endure to the end.
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| Leona, surrounded by loving family at the funeral |
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| Leona aka Mom aka Grandma aka Great Grandma here with her grandchildren WITH children |
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| It was a great honor to be one of the Pallbearers at the Veterans Cemetery |
On Monday, we packed up our things and checked out of our
room at the Nugget by 8:30 am, then drove to Ray and Leona’s home. We had some breakfast with other family
members, including Rich and Margo’s family, then got on the road by 9:15
am. Leona rode with us. I drove the Ray and Leona minivan to Fernley,
NV, with Leona providing directions. We
arrived at the Veterans Cemetery in less than 30 minutes. It is located just north of the I-80 at the
main exit to Fernley. In fact, there is
a freeway sign that identifies the cemetery as a destination. The cemetery was largely empty upon our
arrival, but for some Navy representatives (Navy Honor Guard) who participated
in the funeral services. There were
three Navy personnel present: two who provided the military honors, and one who
played Taps on the bugle beautifully.
Two of the Navy representatives met the casket up its arrival at the
cemetery and stood at attention as the Pallbearers escorted it to the memorial
area, where the flag draped over the casket was carefully folded with military
precision and handed to Leona, with an expression of thanks from the Navy and
U.S. Government for Ray’s service to his country. I had never actually attended a funeral
service to personally see that before.
It was very touching.
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| Ray was buried with military honors, here the American flag that draped his casket is tenderly provided to Leona |
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| Leona with her eight children at the Veterans Cemetery |
As Colin dedicated the grave from the memorial area, many
tears were shed. We were saying goodbye
to a great, most successful man, who dedicated his life to service of his God,
family and country. After Colin’s grave
dedication, immediately preceding the Pallbearers being called upon to escort
the casket to the grave site (located about 50 yards to the north), Leona
quickly went to the casket, put her arms on top of it (while still holding onto
the neatly folded American flag), and quietly wept. That brought us all to tears. I walked to the front once Leona stepped away
from her now departed soul mate, for the last time in this life, and escorted
the casket to the grave site. The entire
family stood by as the casket was carefully lowered into the ground, and
watched as the burial was complete - staying until the sod was neatly tucked
into perfect position, and Ray’s body was at its final resting place. We visited together, photographs were taken,
and we then met together for lunch at Ray’s favorite eating place: Sizzler,
located at McCarran and Prater. Brad and
I got the salad bar, ate quickly, and I raced to the airport to get Brad on his
2:00 pm flight. I returned to the
restaurant to find everyone still there.
We visited some more, then returned to the Kelly home, where we changed
and settled in for a few hours before departing on our 7:25 pm flight.
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Leona found time to smile during a weekend where we both mourned the loss of her wonderful husband and celebrated
a truly wonderful life, that has produced many more wonderful lives filled with the gospel of Jesus Christ |
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Maralea and Leona join the family in preparing the wooden
cars Ray loved to work on for needy children before we left
on Monday |
I am grateful to Ray for his part in raising a
righteous daughter in Zion, my sweet wife, Maralea (who still claims I do not
pronounce her name correctly). I always
wanted to make Ray happy in the manner I led my family and exercised the
priesthood. I enjoyed being around him,
and was always pained by the fact that I proposed to Maralea without first
obtaining his permission. But, I guess
life is not about where or how your start, it is about how you finish, and I
hope to finish my life as Ray finished his life. In today’s world, success is measured on what
we see on the outside. We look at
positions of honor, authority, at fame and fortune, or even at Church
leadership callings as a measure of success.
However, “the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the
outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7.) Ray Kelly, by any Godly measure, was the most
successful man I have ever personally known.
His funeral was one of the most beautiful tributes to a Christlike life
I have ever seen. As I looked at the
stand during the funeral service, watching most of Ray’s posterity singing: “I
Am A Child Of God,” I was simply in awe.
And we could have added to those numbers, with his children and their
spouses. I thought to myself: “This
is truly one of the most successful men to ever live.” The Savior counseled us to “lay up for
yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and
where thieves do not break through nor steal.” (Matt. 6:20.)
Ray exemplified what this scripture means. He treasured the things that could never be
taken from him, those things that would always remain with him. That is how I want to conclude my life, where
my family can say with absolute confidence: He fought a good fight, he
finished his course, and he kept the faith.
(2 Tim. 4:7.) If it is possible,
I want to be every bit like Ray Kelly, my wonderful father-in-law.
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| Thanks to the Lord's Plan of Salvation, we can find joy even in loss. Families are truly FOREVER |
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