Royal Family Times: Our Howard Ray Kelly Funeral Weekend

Kelli & Brad with their Grandpa Kelly two months after Brad
returned from his LDS mission in the Philippines

by Michael A. Royal

November 4, 2012

Below are some thoughts I put together related to the funeral of my father-in-law, Howard Ray Kelly. I first met Ray over Christmas break when I took Maralea home from school at BYU, visited for a couple days, then left for Las Vegas on the morning of December 24, 1982. After meeting Maralea's family, I decided that she was the one and only for me, and that I wanted to become part of the Kelly family. For the next 30 years, we and our children were blessed with great parents and grandparents. Ray's departure on October 29, 2012 came peacefully, surrounded by his family in the home he and Leona purchased some 54 years ago. I prepared a few personal thoughts about my experience with my Kelly family the following weekend.

This was taken in about 1984, Ray and Colin Kelly . . . standing in front of my JHS, Colin Kelly. (Coincidence? Nah)

Friday was a day of gathering at the Kelly home as family members were arriving throughout the day. It was fun seeing the little cousins so excited to be together, to play and run around the house making lots of noise, creating all kinds of havoc that felt like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Brad and Whitney arrived with Beckham and my niece, Camilla Stark. David and Kambria arrived much later in the evening with Cody, Nicky, and Ally. I enjoyed visiting with Rich and Dan in the family room at the Kelly home and catching up with everyone else. I looked at all those pictures of the Kelly children taken at age eight, lined up against the wall as they have for decades, and thought about what a wonderful memorial that is for Ray - every child being properly taught, nurtured and loved into the waters of baptism at the given age of accountability. I sat there in Ray’s favorite chair admiring those pictures and wondered why we do not have a similar row of four in our home. (We do have big pictures of all the children at mission age, so I guess we should pat ourselves on the back for that.) It was a strangely happy time.

This is only part of the Ray Kelly legacy! Isn't it amazing??? All because two people fell in love and married in 1956.

I suppose that is because we are all so well aware of the Lord’s Great Plan of Salvation and Happiness. We know that Ray is where he is supposed to be, and that he lived life the way Heavenly Father intended. But, death is not unlike a parent sending off a missionary for two years. It is something long anticipated, prepared for, and celebrated (or at least it should be, since it is a critical part of the Lord’s plan). Yet, there is still a sting associated with the separation. That is something designed as part of the human experience. Heavenly Father felt that same pain of separation when He sent us all to earth, longing for our triumphant return to His home. For far too many, their sojourn on earth is less than successful, which exacerbates the Father’s pain. Conversely, His joy and glory is magnified when one soul returns to Him. He was, therefore, greatly magnified on October 29, 2012, when Heavenly Father welcomed Ray home, joining him with his parents.

A tender moment as Leona and her eight children gather around the casket at the viewing

I joined the siblings and their spouses with Leona at the funeral home Friday evening to dress Ray and prepare him for his final resting place. That was a very sacred experience. I felt that Ray was present observing us. I really only helped with the big things, and watched as Dale and Colin did the important things, like buttoning Ray's white shirt, putting on his socks, shoes, handling the details, like making sure his handkerchief was neatly tucked into his left pocket. It was a special father/son moment. We handled Ray with great care and respect. The tears flowed so freely Friday evening as the women gathered with us around Ray’s peaceful body thereafter. Ray and Leona are so deserving of love and respect from their children and posterity. Ray lived a long life. He is the first member of the Ray and Leona Kelly family to pass to the other side of the veil. Everything happened in its proper order. That is a wonderful blessing. We all recognize that. Still, our hearts are pierced with pain. He was an exceptionally great man, who I love very much.

Royal carefully fixes Becca's nose

As we gathered for the viewing on Saturday at 9:30 am, family members appeared with grandchildren in tow and there were many hugs. It was a wonderful reunion. Ray’s body peacefully laid in the silver casket, exposed from the waist up, with a large American Flag draped over it. Family members gathered around the casket at spontaneous intervals, with hugs, tears, and smiles. The great grandchildren, like Royal and Beckham, were creating a joyous noise of commotion that is so welcomed and sweet. They had no idea what was going on, but just carried on their business as usual. It truly was a day of both mourning and celebration. David, Cody and Jason were sequestered in a room working on their special song dedicated to Ray’s great life, while Kelli was in another room practicing her song: “Consider the Lilies.” Her Grandpa Kelly told her on several occasions that he wanted her to sing that song at his funeral, and Kelli wanted to do it right, without breaking down. At her request, I gave Kelli a blessing moments before the funeral service, that she would be able to sing from her heart, to get through the song, without crying. She so wanted to give Grandpa Kelly her very best effort. I took Royal from Kelli as the funeral service began. He was being really fussy because he was ready for a nap. So, I just walked around with him in the foyer, trying to help him fall asleep. He did (another successful Grandpa Royal moment recorded in time).

Kelli with Royal Ray, named after both his great grandpas

I entered the chapel after the opening hymn, “How Firm A Foundation.” Rich Payton was the chorister. Dan Bringham gave the opening prayer. Then, Kelli sang her song, standing at the pulpit, right above her grandfather’s casket. Kelli sang like a bird. She got through some tough verses, tearing up a little, but she made it. Kelli, in fact, did a remarkable job. I did my best not to make eye contact with her, as I was sitting front and center, about three rows away, and was crying myself. At the end of the song, Kelli then teared up and said: “I love you, Grandpa.” Then, she cried. We all did. It was so touching. Kelli sang that song with great love. She gave it everything she had, and I know that her Grandpa Kelly was very, very pleased. (Kelli sent her grandfather a video of her singing this song a couple weeks before he passed. Click here: Kelli: "Consider the Lilies") After Kelli’s wonderful musical number, each of the eight Kelly children got up to speak. Their talks were supposed to be limited to two and a half minutes (ha). However, that was just not going to happen, and rightly so. There was too much that needed to be said. Ray lived that kind of life. It simply required more time, because it was a rich life filled with so many fond memories. (Colin put together a slide show also. Click here: Slideshow to "Consider the Lilies")

Beckham is one of Ray's 16 great grandchildren

Valerie spoke on Ray’s life milestones. She related that Ray’s family moved a lot when he was young, finally settling down in the area of Rockland, ID, where he and his siblings worked on a dairy farm. Ray learned to love work. His parents were not active in the Church, so he was not that involved in Church activities as a youth. He had many LDS friends, however, who were a very positive influence on him. After graduating from high school, Ray enlisted in the Navy in 1948. He was stationed in San Diego, CA, for his first two years, and spend the next two years largely at sea working on a fuel tanker in the Pacific Ocean during the Korean War. He was discharged in 1952, then served as a missionary in the Texas-Louisiana Mission in 1952-54, and then married Leona Dial upon his return home (having been first introduced to her by his parents) in 1956. (Something I later learned from Leona is that Ray’s parents became active in the Church while he was away on his mission.

Photos displayed of Ray while serving in the Navy, 1948-52

They moved to Pocatello began attending church there, and met Leona. On the date of Ray and Leona’s wedding in the Idaho Falls Temple, Ray’s parents were sealed, Ray was then sealed to his parents, and then Ray and Leona were married. What a wonderful blessing to come together as a direct result of Ray’s service to the Lord!) They moved to Reno, NV in 1958 after Ray received his Bachelor of Arts from Idaho State University. He received his Masters in Education from the University of Nevada-Reno in 1964. The family has resided in the present Kelly home for 54 years. During that time, they added onto the home, transforming the garage to a bedroom, adding on the family room, kitchen, a new bathroom and bedroom, and a basement. Ray and Leona had eight children, 38 grandchildren, and 16 great grandchildren with four more on the way at the time of Ray’s departure. He served in the Church in various capacities throughout his life and exemplified good, faithful living. Ray exemplified what it truly means to endure to the end.

Grandpa Kelly with Brad at the Oakland Temple
for Dan & Kathy's wedding

Colin spoke on lessons Ray taught the family through his example of service. Ray seems to have chosen his friends by those he met at service projects. He loved blessing the lives of others through service. Ray was fanatical about gathering firewood for the winter. Colin remembers occasions when they would gather and stack wood in remote areas, bring it home to unload, with extra wood in the truck that remained. Ray would then have Colin join him as he would deliver the firewood to another family. On one occasion, Colin recalled that he and Ray were loading firewood at a lake. It was very hot. When they were done loading the wood, Ray suggested they go swimming. Colin said that they could not swim, because they did not have any swimsuits. Ray then said: “We don’t need swimsuits” and proceeded to strip down to his birthday suit and jumped into the water from the deserted dock. Colin then followed. That was a special memory for Colin. His father always had a warm, fun loving heart.

Kelli, with her Grandpa Kelly, December 1987

Margo talked about Ray’s life as a school teacher. After his passing, she was contacted on Facebook by people who said that Ray had been their favorite teacher. Margo recalls how much she loved being her father’s teaching assistant. She would go with him to school early to help set up his class, and he would even allow her to grade sixth grade papers when she was only in the third grade. Ray would give her a Key that she would use to grade the papers. (Margo thought it was pretty cool that she, as a third grader, could have so much responsibility.) When she was going to school, other kids would tell her that her father was mean, some suggesting that they felt sorry for her. (School District rules did not allow for any of the Kelly children to be in their father’s class, so none of them got to actually experience him as a school teacher.) Margo said these kind of comments always puzzled her because that is not the man she knew at all, stating: “He was such a pushover.” Ray would bring home school supplies for Margo and her siblings to play school. They had a blackboard that the family apparently used to come up with names for Margo before she was born. Apparently, none of the names suggested were accepted. (Ray always wanted to name one of his children Kelly O. Kelly, but that was never allowed, vetoed every time by Leona.) Margo also spoke about Ray’s military service and the great pride he took as a Navy veteran. He loved the American flag, and did all he could to instill that love in the hearts of his children. Ray, having come from a small town with very conservative values, had his eyes opened quickly as a member of the military, being the only LDS person on his ship. While he did not have a firm gospel foundation, Ray had a moral compass that helped guide him as a member of the military. He began attending church regularly while stationed in San Diego, CA, but could not attend for the two years he was at sea. Ray was sustained by many letters from his LDS friends and leaders. After his four years, in 1952, Ray departed his ship for the last time, saying goodbye to some of the best friends he had, those fellow sailors who he knew he would never see again. Upon his arrival home, Ray was contacted by a very wise bishop, who told him that he needed to serve a mission. Despite the fact that Ray had not been active in the Church for most of his life, Ray accepted the call and served in the Texas-Louisiana Mission from 1952-54. While he was away, Ray’s family had moved to Pocatello, ID. Leona Dial was a young woman in his family ward and (per Leona) Ray’s mother had already been laying some groundwork for a romantic introduction. Ray and Leona began dating, and were married.

Ray Kelly never considered himself released
as a missionary for Jesus Christ

Kathy spoke about Ray’s love of music. She described him as a “good listener,” recalling many occasions when he would sit in a chair in the living room listening to family members play the piano or sing (often falling asleep in the process). He and Leona loved listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Ray took great pleasure in watching his children and grandchildren excel in music. He is now, without question, singing in heaven with a most beautiful voice. Kathy also talked about Ray’s love for fishing. He loved to fish . . . but just wasn’t really that good at it. Ray would sometimes, out of desperation, dig deep into his tackle box and weigh his line down with every possible lure, perhaps with the plan of just hitting a fish in the head (and stunning it into submission). But, it was not necessarily catching the fish that Ray enjoyed, it was just being out doing something he loved, spending time with people he so loved.

Ray & Leona serving as Elder & Sister Kelly in 2004

Donna spoke about her father’s influence on her children in Scouting. She related an experience when her family visited Reno. At that time, Jeffrey was 13 and struggling with his interest in Scouting. He simply did not like it and was having trouble seeing the point of getting involved. Ray walked Jeffrey over to a display in the Kelly family room that has a picture of all the grandchildren who have reached the rank of Eagle Scout. He told Jeffrey, pointing to the display: “I want to put your picture there.” Jeffrey’s interest in Scouting changed almost immediately. He now had a tangible goal, inspired by his grandfather. He had a reason to become an Eagle Scout - to please his Grandpa Kelly. Jeffrey met his objective, became an Eagle Scout, and now has his picture with many of his cousins on Ray’s Eagle Scout display of honor. Jeffrey is now serving a mission in Philadelphia, another more important achievement in his life that likewise pleased his Grandpa Kelly.

Ray and Leona welcome home Grandson Elder Cody Bringham
at the SLC Airport in March 2011

Chris focused on Ray’s role as a disciple of Christ. She related an account of scripture reading with her father about a week before his passing. Chris asked Ray and Leona if they wanted to read scriptures. Ray said he would, and Chris asked where they were in their scripture reading. Ray told Chris to read from where her family is reading, which happened to be Alma 40. Chris read Alma 40:11-12, which relates directly to the Plan of Salvation and the blessings associated with those who live a righteous life (“. . . the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness . . .”). These verses were very comforting, a tender mercy for the family. Chris related how much Ray reached out for the one throughout his life, as the Savior would have us all do. She received a note from one of Ray’s former students, who wrote the following: “I was not a cute, adorable sixth grader, but your dad always treated like I was one. I will never forget that.” Ray had a way of seeing people as God sees them, looking at the heart. He was also a great home teacher and quorum/group leader. Chris recalled occasions when Ray would go in search of persons on the Church roles but not attending. He was not satisfied with just knocking on the door of a home where no answer was provided. Ray would start knocking on the doors of neighbors to see if he could gather any helpful information to locate the person or family over which he was given divine stewardship. In the last couple years, Ray became involved in painting wood toy cars for delivery to needy children. He painted hundreds of them, and loved it. Ray wanted to be a useful tool in the Lord’s hands as long as his body and mind would allow a wonderful example to us all.

Maralea with Ray and Leona at the LV Bowl to cheer on the Cougars

Maralea briefly referenced Ray’s love for BYU sports, something we share with him as a family. She spoke of Ray’s love for missionary work. The Kelly children were often asked by Ray to write their testimonies in a Book of Mormon he desired to deliver to someone. He would borrow LDS fictional books, like Charly, from Maralea and deliver them to others. The books usually were never returned. The kids rarely knew what happened through such efforts; however, they made an impression on the family. Ray taught by quiet example that great joy comes from sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. Ray served four full-time missions. The first as a young man in 1952-54 in the Texas Louisiana Mission. Then he and Leona served two Family History Missions in Salt Lake City, 1991-92, and 2004-05. In between these they served together to open the dry pack cannery in Reno in 1996-97. He loved being actively engaged in Christian service. Maralea likened Ray’s love of warmth from a wooden stove to his love for the gospel. Just as he would gather up and store fuel for fires during the cold winter months, Ray taught the family to gather up spiritual firewood to stoke and sustain the flames of testimony in the hearts of the entire family. “Thank you, Dad, for teaching us of the joy related to gospel fires through missionary work,” she said. Maralea wore her missionary name tag, Sister Royal, in her father’s honor. Ray always loved being known as Elder Kelly, and likewise loved seeing his children and grandchildren likewise share their names with Jesus Christ on a black and white name tag. His flame of gospel love and testimony burns ever brighter today. Ray lived to see his posterity serve valiantly for Christ, as he so served, and continued his missionary work until the end. Even as he faced his last surgery two months ago, Ray would ask attending medical personnel: “Are you a member of the LDS Church? You should be.” He gave them all Pass Along Cards, with an invitation to come to church. Maralea said: “Thank you, Dad, for enduring to the end.” She closed with: “Somewhere on the other side of the veil, Dad is singing ‘The Spirit of God like a fire is burning. . . .’”

We love this picture of Ray and Leona - Happy Fourth of July

Dale focused his remarks on Ray’s love for hard work. Dale and Chris had to leave Reno to go to Rexburg, ID, to participate in the blessing of Matthew and Erika’s baby, Madie, which took him away from Reno while Ray was so close to death. As Ray was hardly responding to anyone, Dale told him that he would be leaving. Dale told Ray that he would make a visit to Rockland, ID, on the way back. At that announcement, Ray opened his eyes, looked at Dale and said: “That’s where I grew up, you know.” Those were the last words Ray would ever speak to Dale in this life. Dale and Chris then stopped by the Rockland, ID dairy farm on Sunday and Dale filled up a jar with dirt, the very soil on which Ray so loved to work. Dale and Chris drove through the night, and were present with other family members when Ray passed on Monday. He reflected upon the great basement project, when the family spent a year digging away earth from beneath the house, using only a pick. Ray had a requirement for the family to do a certain amount of dirt removal per day. On Christmas Day, Ray announced: “Today, we will only do one load.” Ray was a relentless, tireless worker. Dale closed with: “Thank you, Dad, for teaching us how to work.”

Jordan's last picture with his Grandpa Kelly,
this taken in September 2011, before Jordan left on his
LDS mission to the Philippines

A family friend, Oris Corbridge, spoke after the children. He described Ray as “a work horse.” He said: “Ray was not a stallion or a high priced race horse of a person. He was just happy to be a steady, reliable worker to pull the load.” Those kind of souls, per Bro. Corbridge, “are worth their weight in gold.” He talked about Ray’s kind heart, relating a deer hunting experience where Bro. Corbridge and Ray had tracked a group of three deers. They quietly prepared to shoot. Ray had them in his sights. He then backed off and refused to shoot. Ray told his friends: “I can’t kill any of them. That’s a family there. I just can’t do it.” That was the last time Ray ever went deer hunting. He had a soft, kind, gentle, loving heart. Ray exemplified what it means to have a soft heart, and to endure to the end.

Leona, surrounded by loving family at the funeral

The bishop had some brief remarks to close the service. I participated with the Pallbearers in escorting the casket to funeral vehicle. The sun was out, the sky was clear, the temperature was pleasant and we remained outside together visiting in the warm autumn air. We thereafter gathered in the gym for a family luncheon, where David, Cody and Jason performed a song entitled: “Grandpa Sunshine.” It was really good - very well done. I recorded it and posted it online. Ray would have loved it. (I love the verse: “You will always be our bright, shining Ray.”) (Here are some videos of our performers: David, Cody and Jason sing "Grandpa Sunshine" at the luncheon after the funeral; David, Cody and Jason sing "Grandpa Sunshine" the following day when we met at the Dale and Chris Kelly home for lunch after church). (The boys also sang "Where Can I Turn for Peace") The mood lightened up significantly as we gathered for some family pictures. Later that evening, we met in the Reno Temple for sealings as we did back in June. It was wonderful - a great way to conclude the day celebrating the life of Ray Kelly. He loved temple work. Ray and Leona were happiest when they were in the temple with their family. I am so grateful to them for that example.

Leona aka Mom aka Grandma aka Great Grandma here with her grandchildren WITH children

It was a great honor to be one of the Pallbearers at the Veterans Cemetery

On Monday, we packed up our things and checked out of our room at the Nugget by 8:30 am, then drove to Ray and Leona’s home. We had some breakfast with other family members, including Rich and Margo’s family, then got on the road by 9:15 am. Leona rode with us. I drove the Ray and Leona minivan to Fernley, NV, with Leona providing directions. We arrived at the Veterans Cemetery in less than 30 minutes. It is located just north of the I-80 at the main exit to Fernley. In fact, there is a freeway sign that identifies the cemetery as a destination. The cemetery was largely empty upon our arrival, but for some Navy representatives (Navy Honor Guard) who participated in the funeral services. There were three Navy personnel present: two who provided the military honors, and one who played Taps on the bugle beautifully. Two of the Navy representatives met the casket up its arrival at the cemetery and stood at attention as the Pallbearers escorted it to the memorial area, where the flag draped over the casket was carefully folded with military precision and handed to Leona, with an expression of thanks from the Navy and U.S. Government for Ray’s service to his country. I had never actually attended a funeral service to personally see that before. It was very touching.

Ray was buried with military honors, here the American flag that draped his casket is tenderly provided to Leona

Leona with her eight children at the Veterans Cemetery

As Colin dedicated the grave from the memorial area, many tears were shed. We were saying goodbye to a great, most successful man, who dedicated his life to service of his God, family and country. After Colin’s grave dedication, immediately preceding the Pallbearers being called upon to escort the casket to the grave site (located about 50 yards to the north), Leona quickly went to the casket, put her arms on top of it (while still holding onto the neatly folded American flag), and quietly wept. That brought us all to tears. I walked to the front once Leona stepped away from her now departed soul mate, for the last time in this life, and escorted the casket to the grave site. The entire family stood by as the casket was carefully lowered into the ground, and watched as the burial was complete - staying until the sod was neatly tucked into perfect position, and Ray’s body was at its final resting place. We visited together, photographs were taken, and we then met together for lunch at Ray’s favorite eating place: Sizzler, located at McCarran and Prater. Brad and I got the salad bar, ate quickly, and I raced to the airport to get Brad on his 2:00 pm flight. I returned to the restaurant to find everyone still there. We visited some more, then returned to the Kelly home, where we changed and settled in for a few hours before departing on our 7:25 pm flight.

Leona found time to smile during a weekend where we both mourned the loss of her wonderful husband and celebrated
a truly wonderful life, that has produced many more wonderful lives filled with the gospel of Jesus Christ

Maralea and Leona join the family in preparing the wooden
cars Ray loved to work on for needy children before we left
on Monday

I am grateful to Ray for his part in raising a righteous daughter in Zion, my sweet wife, Maralea (who still claims I do not pronounce her name correctly). I always wanted to make Ray happy in the manner I led my family and exercised the priesthood. I enjoyed being around him, and was always pained by the fact that I proposed to Maralea without first obtaining his permission. But, I guess life is not about where or how your start, it is about how you finish, and I hope to finish my life as Ray finished his life. In today’s world, success is measured on what we see on the outside. We look at positions of honor, authority, at fame and fortune, or even at Church leadership callings as a measure of success. However, “the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7.) Ray Kelly, by any Godly measure, was the most successful man I have ever personally known. His funeral was one of the most beautiful tributes to a Christlike life I have ever seen. As I looked at the stand during the funeral service, watching most of Ray’s posterity singing: “I Am A Child Of God,” I was simply in awe. And we could have added to those numbers, with his children and their spouses. I thought to myself: “This is truly one of the most successful men to ever live.” The Savior counseled us to “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.” (Matt. 6:20.) Ray exemplified what this scripture means. He treasured the things that could never be taken from him, those things that would always remain with him. That is how I want to conclude my life, where my family can say with absolute confidence: He fought a good fight, he finished his course, and he kept the faith. (2 Tim. 4:7.) If it is possible, I want to be every bit like Ray Kelly, my wonderful father-in-law.